by Kiran Jayasinghe
I remember watching news channels when I was a few years younger and always seeing both sides of a conversation. News shows would bring in both sides to talk about a topic. Today, I see one side agreeing with itself and bashing the other side instead of having an open conversation between them. Wether about politics or emotions or business, the art of civilized debate is being lost.
What is civilized debate? Some people call it polite disagreement, or polite discussion. It’s the art of being able to have a conversation where two sides disagree and are able to contemplate ideas in an environment focused on learning.
To have a civilized discussion, it is important to understand the other side first. If you don’t know what you’re arguing against, you can’t get your point effectively across and you’re not understanding where the other side is coming from. Conversations with my friends and family can sometimes turn into arguments when we don’t communicate effectively. When we finally listen to each other and consider the other side’s reasoning, we can have a more productive debate and eventually learn more.
It’s also important to keep the idea and the person voicing the idea separate. If somebody voices an opinion or thought that disagrees with yours, it doesn’t mean the person is ‘bad’. It just means that a conversation about the idea is even more important and that an opportunity to discuss the idea and why it is wrong is even more prevalent.
In society today, wether on social media or within my friend’s conversations, I see the unwillingness to understand the other side. The only goal in a discussion today seems to prevail as the ‘right’ one or the winner. We don’t take the time to understand why the other person may be thinking this way, or what the purpose of the argument is.
I also see when the relationship between the idea and the person is blurred. If somebody speaks about something in our society, they can’t voice an idea without being bound to it. If the idea is disagreed with or considered to be wrong, the person is punished (i.e cancel culture). I think this societal mechanism doesn’t help as much as we think it does. Punishing somebody for having a wrong opinion and not allowing them to grow from the conversation can destroy a society from the inside out. Unless, of course, it’s one of the topics that have a definitive wrong side: topics like racism or things that involve hatred of others.
As a society, our pride is our downfall. Our minds are open to the idea that we are right, and closed to the possibility that we can be wrong. Conversations are meant to stimulate productivity instead of suffocating communication. If we cannot listen to opposing views because we are so involved in being right, the discussion becomes about winning instead of learning. What would society be like if we were able to learn from civilized debate?
